midnight thoughts

People say that the night
is supposed to calm the spirit
and relax one into a peaceful sleep,
but I’m sitting here,
wrapped in a blanket,
thinking about the stars and the universe and all the things I never told you,
and even though it’s approaching
half a year
since you officially left my life,
you’re still my
11:59 pm thought
and my
12:01 am thought,
and I’m not sure it’s the snake around my neck that’s making it hard to
breathe
as ocean’s tides fill my eyes
and wash away the past day’s memories,
and oh my God, it still hurts me to think
that I am completely alone again and that
I don’t have the courage to show you this
except maybe through this book and
oh man, I miss you so much
that even though I was never allowed the
pleasures
of stroking the smile lines on your face
or
burying my face in your hair and inhaling so deeply I’m sure to never forget you,
I still feel like I can feel you near me,
in the middle of the day when I’m laughing amongst classmates,
and here alone at my little black desk where my cheek is laid on the corner of my laptop’s keyboard,
and what I considered our song
comes on your music playlist that I hijacked,

And the ocean waves
kiss the shores that are my cheeks
on this cold winter’s night,
and I miss you…