Time

it is 12:37 and my mind is swimming with things to say and confessions to discuss, but i lack both the courage and currently a person to speak to, but there is one person in mind

it is 12:38 and every fiber of my being aches to discuss the universe and life and the deepest pits in our beings and just be there

it is 12:39 and 12:40 and i am sitting here surrounded by the darkness and silence of the night, and i wish that there was someone there with me, even if being there means texting. i am wondering why i am a coward and why i cannot discuss these things under normal circumstances. maybe i am afraid to initiate? after all this time, I am afraid of rejection still

it is 12:41 and i realize that i am a coward in the worst way, because i realize that unless i am asked i cannot bring myself to open up completely. I feel as if i am stuck behind my self-constructed wall that i use for protection, but right now it is doing quite the opposite

it is 12:42 and 12:43 and i am very tired, but I am most tired of beating around the bush. i wish i could be completely honest and expose my thoughts and beliefs but i am petrified of not being good enough, or being perceived as weird or too forward. i am petrified of taking the lead when i am not sure what it will lead to. i am only confident when i know what the outcome will be and it is right now 12:44 in the morning on sunday may 18 and i wish to pour out the depths of my soul to you but i find it is just a shout into the void and i plead for someone just to ask, show me that i am not crazy and that there really is interest and acceptance and everything will be okay

12:45